


I Don't Wanna Cry

by reginanicolecky



Category: K-pop, Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Break Up, Childhood Friends, F/M, Friendship, Post-Break Up, Romance, Slow Romance, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-19
Updated: 2018-05-19
Packaged: 2019-05-09 00:18:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14705552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reginanicolecky/pseuds/reginanicolecky
Summary: If I cry will the love be truer?





	I Don't Wanna Cry

**Author's Note:**

> This fanfiction is connected with my previous one 'Too Good With Goodbyes' so it might be better to read that one first. Enjoy! A little comment goes a long way!

**_Because I love you because saying I love you_ **

**_Isn’t enough, no matter what word I say_ **

 

“Seongwu-ya.”

“What else should I say? Be happy, Moon Yael?”

“You don’t need to be that sarcastic about it.

“I can’t fake a smile. I love you, but I’m losing you.”

“We still can be friends. Being a lover isn’t everything that you or I could be.”

Seongwu saw the glimpse of frustration out of Yael. His first reaction was to hold his hand, but he restrained himself before it even moved. He couldn’t give up on this one, wouldn’t even give in to comfort her on this matter.

“Friend? You want me to wait as a loyal dog as your friend? So maybe later you can go back and forward again?”

“I’m done. You are cruel with your words.”

“I love you. Only you! This is all your doing and you call me cruel? That’s rich, Moon Yael. Truly.”

He received her stare of disbelief with a small contempt. The whole thing was absurd for him and she could feel upset at this time? Maybe their relationship wasn’t the longest in the history, but he did love her for these whole two years. Knowing that his love wasn’t enough shook the core of his ego.

“I know I hurt you first and we hurt each other enough now.”

 

**_Leaving me, who cherished only you_ **

**_Where did you go_ **

 

Everyone in the company knew if he poured all his love to Yael from the first day she entered the company as the freelance designer for Wanna One artwork. The band that at that time was in the middle of debuting. His first project in the company that he built with his 5 other friends. They were already dating for several months at that time, meet through a tiny coincidence of chasing after the same bus.

He was… running over her, claiming her all the ways. Always the first to offer her dinner together, sending her back home. For the whole two years of the dream, he paid extra attention to her. Even before the gossip was caught in the air, he would come to her to explain the whole thing, ready to accept all the blame or the anger. She was the one, he thought...

“You know that it always complicated between me, you and Minhyun.”

“Then why did you start, El? Why did you drag me into this mess?”

“Whether you believe it or not, I did love you.”

Every smile, every laughter, every remarks, every touch. How could he believe if those were real if all came to an end? He didn’t know if love could fade.

“And yet, you are leaving me to go to his side.”

It was the reason why she came today. To finally pack all of her things after two months avoiding each other. He called her, making an excuse to see her face and realizing beneath the anger, he still loved her deeply.

“I left him first for you. How could you didn’t see that? I left him again even after knowing about his feeling. It was you that changed. It was you that couldn’t let go the fact that someone else might cherish me too.”

“How could a guy didn’t suspect anything after seeing the way he was looking at you?”

“You didn’t believe me in the first place. That was the foundation of our problem.”

“You were staying next to his apartment for the whole first year of our relationship!”

“We were best friends.”

“How many times I saw you hanging out in his place. You sure you didn’t just two-time me from the start?”

“He is your friend too.”

“Exactly and both of you stab me in the back.”

 

**_Did you go far away_ **

**_Because you didn’t like me anymore_ **

 

“Let’s close it as we both changed or it’s okay, you can keep blaming me.”

When the first tear appeared, Seongwoo knew if he pushed her too far. Yael, for better or worse rarely used her tears to manipulate the argument. But the word ‘sorry’ stuck at the bottom of his throat. He was hurt so he would do the same. Showing in his own childish way that he wasn’t ready to let her slip through his grasp.

“If that’s what you want. Then I won’t see you anymore.”

“You will give up on Wanna One just to be with Minhyun?”

“I will give up Wanna One to make you feel better. Not everything is about him.”

“It is. You don’t love me anymore.”

“You don’t need to rub it on my face.”

A desperate plea. Yael did reach her edge if she reduced herself into this stage. The girl had her own share of pride. Though he was known the maker of the mood in every event, this was the side that Yael sadly at this moment, knew too well… he could be nasty just to prove his point.

“You don’t need to move out. I will. I won’t be able to stay here anyway.”

“Stop it, please.

“I can’t stand to see that you are going to his place.”

“I’m going back to my own place and yes, even that we live next to each other. I didn’t run to him every time you left me like you were thinking.”

“I won’t chase after you if you go out from the door, El. Come back and I’ll forgive everything, we can start over.”

“But you won’t forget and being free from all of these is exactly what I want. I don’t love you, but I don’t want to end up hating you.”

 

**_This road that doesn’t seem unfamiliar, feels unfamiliar_ **

**_Asking me once again if this is a road I know of_ **

 

It was more than hundred thousand times for him to pass the street from his apartment to Yael apartment. All the time when they were deeply in love, hanging on each other words like it was a pray for perfection.

He still couldn’t find on which intersection that their road stopped to mingle. Was it really by the time he saw Minhyun tried to kiss Yael when she was drunk? Seongwu saw that small beg for forgiveness, for permission to steal memory on his own.

Did he regret on telling the story to Yael after beaten Minhyun into pulp? He couldn’t decide until this moment. Yael tried to reassure him that there was nothing between them. They were childhood friends, it was too late for them because she has chosen him after all.

But his own imagination was a scary place to be. How could Yael never guess, never know, never even suspect by bit that a guy was putting his very soul without even expecting any reply from her? How many times were they together without him? How many times, with his own hands, he gave Yael to be around Minhyun just because he had other things to do?

Yael spent a whole year to convince him. She packed all of her things to move to his place.

Their fight got louder and bigger. Many nights though they were together, there were no any words being exchanged. He could see that her smile grew rarer, each with a sad echo behind it. Then, he grew angrier

Until the hell broke loose and at that time, Yael finally gave in to Minhyun. Letting that guy soothed her scars rather than licking her own wound and coming back to Seongwu for another blow.

 

**_Could that person_ **

**_Be looking for me_ **

**_I’m looking for you right now_ **

 

“Did you ever talk about me with…”

The words came out before he could stop himself. Minhyun still sat on the other side of the table and clearly regretted his decision after hearing his question. However, Seongwu didn’t add anything more, showing that he indeed waiting for the answer from the current boyfriend of his ex.

“You know this conversation will just hurt both of us, right?”

“You deserve the share of my pain. You were my friend and you did that.”

“I still think you are one even now.”

“Bulshit. You took what was mine.”

He could see the hard line on Minhyun’s jaw. A rare sight from someone that always appeared calm in every situation. Only Moon Yael could thaw such reaction from him. Before, Seongwu thought it was Yael special talent to make someone opened up on her, little did he know that Minhyun was never himself except that girl was around.

“She made her own choice. You know it as much as I do that Yael always makes her own mind and even not, I couldn’t give her up again. Not even for you.”

“You afraid to bring her here, afraid to have the same fear as me before that maybe… maybe she still loves me.”

“Perhaps I am, Seongwu-ya. You were a part of her past, but one thing that I learn. I will not repeat your mistake on doubting her.”

“Tell her I’m looking for her.”

“I won’t. I won’t let you hurt her or yourself even further.”

 

**_Don’t play around, I know you’re there_ **

**_I feel like you’ll appear. so I wait aimlessly_ **

 

“Who are you waiting?”

“No one.”

“Then why are you still here?

“She usually passes this road.”

“Who?”

“No one.”

She was no one… supposed to be for such a long time, but his bruised heart still love him with his own way

 

**_I need to go find you, go find you_ **

**_Tears are building up and start to blur (my vision)_ **

 

“Why are you smiling from ear to ear?”

It was out of curiosity that he asked the younger guy. Out of five members, Jinyoung was the last one to make trouble and the least to get excited over things. The fact that he kept exchanging a smile with Woojin should make him worry.

“Yael noona is here. Daniel hyung said that she will be the one that makes our artwork again.”

He stopped after realizing the change in his face. A cruel reminder that the whole company knew their relationship before it went sour. She was his and when everyone admitted that the term had changed, Seongwoo needed a pause to remember.

“Where is she?”

“In the cafe downstairs. She supposed to join us for a meeting. Do you want me… to come with you?”

“What are you afraid of, Jinyoung?”

“You to… lose control.“

 

**_I’m okay (I’m not okay)_ **

 

Yael was exactly where he portrayed her to be. On the corner where he avoided the most, the table that she loved because she could feel the sunlight gazing from the window when she drank her coffee.

The high note of her laughter was the same as before. The eye smile that complimented the tugging on the corner of her lips was there. It was Daehwi the one that threw sentences on her. He could see Minhyun that was standing on the cashier, more likely to order cappuccino for her with double shot espresso and without sugar.

“Leave us alone.”

“We are in the middle of… okay,”

He waited until Daehwi couldn’t be seen anymore. The younger guy was hesitant from the start, but surprisingly, it was Minhyun that came and gave him a code to go with him. Seongwoo couldn’t guess what was there in Minhyun’s mind, but clearly, three of them thought that the conversation was long due.

“H-how are you?”

“Couldn’t be worse, right?”

“I saw you were bringing someone else during the last promotion.”

“I did.”

“So I assumed you start a new relationship.”

“I didn’t, so what? You came to gloat on yours?”

 

**_I don‘t want to see you (I really want to see you)_ **

 

“I think you already move on. That’s why I decided to come here to talk with the others.”

“It doesn’t mean I want to see you.”

“If you heard I’m in the canteen, you can simply avoid this place.”

“I don’t want to see you, but here I am, helping you putting the dagger towards my heart again.”

 

**_I have to say, say_ **

**_These lies that_ **

**_Don’t even come from my heart_ **

**_Because my heart won‘t listen to these words as I thought_ **

 

“Why are you really here?”

“To work again with your company. Minhyun told me about the plan of album release this year and Daniel had been calling me for several times and….”

Seongwu saw the blue rectangle envelope which pointing out from her bag.

“It wasn’t what am I thinking, right?”

“It’s an invitation.”

“You are ready to be the joke here? The bitch that ran from one friend to another? Me as a loser or Minhyun as the cheater?”

“ONG!”

A sting on his cheek. Yael actually slapped him for his words. She didn’t even come forward after regaining the full conscience of her action. Another hurt on her eyes as she couldn’t believe that his grudge was still going as strong after years. All the feeling just rushed out after seeing her in flesh.

It wasn’t fair, he knew it that’s why he didn’t stop her. Both Minhyun and Yael hide their relationship in respect of his sulking over years of break up. The girl that clawed the lyricist’s heart was always kept in the shadow. Rumours fly, but both never appeared in the same place together until today.

“What do you want to forgive me. I can’t blame myself for the rest of my life either. Three of us deserve to be happy.”

“Gone from my life or…”

 

**_Come back, come back, come back_ **

**_When half of me is gone_ **

**_How can I live as one_ **

 

“... come back to me before it becomes too late.”

“It’s too late for us. We won’t ever be happy together and you know that. And I can’t avoid you forever.”

“Then at least stop this engagement or do it privately.”

“None of us did such terrible sins to walk on eggshell around you all the time. How much longer do you think I can hold myself for not hating you?

“But how could I love again?”

His voice was barely a whisper, but again… Yael heard the words, understood the meaning and took a deep breath before answering. He could feel that she still care and it hit him more than the slap that he received before.

“I’m sorry.”

“I don’t need your apologies.”

“Then know if I forgive you for before and no matter what words that you will use after this.”

 

**_Although I have a lot of tears_ **

**_I don‘t want to cry_ **

**_I don’t want to cry_ **

 

He messed up again… or she… at this point, none of it mattered. Drinking the soju straight from the bottle, he barely noticed Daniel that started to sit in front of him.

“That’s why you went mental on Minhyun for months. Yael was the reason?”

"I was serious with her. How could none of you see it? Not even her."

“You need to be out of this game. You know it yourself that from the beginning when we started to know him, he was never been this happy. He needs Yael more than you.”

“You are not one to judge, Niel. They did it on the cost of my happiness. She was mine first.“

“But you know that their history was way back before you. I thought all these times after you dated so many girls after Yael, I thought you were okay. “

"Do I need to cry just for it to be true?"

“So will you come? To their engagement? I can find an excuse for you.”

“I will come.”

“You know the company needs you both. Don’t make me choose. I won’t be able to. You are both important to me.”

“You know what, Niel? I heard that one before too. But she ended up left me.”

Seongwu held close the bottle in his hand. He couldn't when he would stop acting like this. After all, his heart refused to be his from the time his eyes fell on her. He was... for better or worse, trapped to guess until he could see her again.

**_When we see each other again_ **

**_I don’t want to cry_ **

 


End file.
